My Soul Sanctuary & Wild Woman by Jamila
& Black Moon Letter
My Soul Story
My soul story is in my breath in the golden light in my writing hand in my cells – in and through the pen and on the paper.
My soul story is wanting to lie down, wanting to be comfortable – seeing the light and enjoying the happiness of the cells receiving my breath.
I felt the breath and opened, enjoying the light and purpose it was given to write – wanting to lie down and write upside down.
Wanting to have a surface to write on. The place where my breath lands is familiar to my heart. Somewhere I used to journey to: a garden in my heart. A temple in a hidden garden where I meet the breath – and I arrive there on the breath.
My Soul Sanctuary
My Soul Sanctuary is behind a golden door in the sky and golden light pours through the door surrounded by sky and earth close to the bottom so a golden circle of light. It feels glorious to enter the golden light. For a while there is only that light.
After a while the location changed into a place I’ve been before. A cave by the sea where we made beautiful harmonies spontaneously and there were beautiful orbs displayed in photographs - also surrounded in a circle of golden light, which made it safer.
The treat was mango. The most delicious, sweet and beautifully coloured mango – a blush of yellow, orange – that tasted so sweet and delicious that the flavour flowed into my writing hand.
The knowing of safety was held in complete containment in a circle of golden light. The sand on my feet and the coolness of the air in the cave, the presence of Jane who sang together with me in freedom and openness and flow. I felt fulfilment and joy in the sounds of our voices and the harmonies we made, and in singing and feeling safe – completely safe and accepted and held. Held by the appreciation of the group and the strangeness of the darkness in the cave – its wildness, rockiness, and the flow of water within and the sounds of the sea outside.
Fascination that this is what came as the place of safety and sanctuary – no harm from anyone, anywhere and contained and held in golden light.
My Wild Woman
My Wild Woman, Rose, says she’s strong and has had to be fierce. Rose sensed the breeze, safe inside our golden orb and went through golden door in sky and had to put loads of locks and bars and gates to make it safe, and I couldn’t see outside.
My safety remained inside the Golden light. I was contained like in an auric egg. I tried out images and none of them felt safe. Only the fact of being securely locked up and everything and everyone being securely locked out gave me a sense of safety. Golden light entered my heart when feeling safe in an Orb of Golden light and becoming golden light.
I did see a green clad woman and red hair a lot and she kissed me on the lips. I asked her could she help me bring out my voice. I sensed that already happening – and when she kissed me on the lips she disappeared becoming one within me.
Upright – strong – glorious. Long auburn hair and beautiful. A combination of green and orange, and somehow like the gift of voice being returned and the happiness and joy in the golden light inside and in my heart.
Black Moon Letter
Written shortly after Soul Writing workshops.
I dreamt last night that I woke and saw a letter in a brown envelope on my bed, which said Black Moon. During the day I remembered to write a note which said Black Moon Letter, and thought it may be a message from the Waters as I’d done a journey to the Waters.
I asked the Waters, “what I can do to help?”
I thought I’d written about it in my journal, and I went through the dustbin in case I’d thrown it away. I have just found the words Black Moon Letter Water Message on a piece of paper. The lengths we go to, to save our minds and our memories.
I feel the Black Moon is fertile. In the silence and stillness of the void of unknowing it is paradoxically also creatrix. I didn’t hear any message from the Waters during the journey and was told the answer may come later in a dream. Two dear friends and teachers have both heard the guidance, “Go to the Waters.” So I know it was my conscious mind imposing meaning to the letter being an answer from the waters.
I must digress because this whole process has made me learn how to write – and how to save in Word from google docs. Up to now I’d not even tried. Today after receiving the message, I tried to understand the reminder prompts my son placed for me on my computer, and I’ve finally done it and understood what to do!
This was a process. A journey from trauma and grief responses to finally, after deep frustration (not able to access verification codes or telephone support) attend a meeting. Persistence finally got me into the meeting. I roared with rage and frustration – and finally a roar of power.
It is this roar of rage that has unlocked voice, unlocked silencing, unlocked powerlessness and opened creativity instead. A sense of agency and an “I can” at age 71!
Early on in life I’d knowingly chosen silence, to hide. I remained fear driven. It has been a long journey to enable voice and to listen to the unspoken knowings in my body – and wide-ranging awareness beyond my body.
I also found today that files I’d believed were lost to me by my own lack of literacy with computers, were safely held in a backup drive (also carefully supplied by my son). A step from incompetent dependence to ability – that came with the roar. I have to give credit to a podcast that arrived synchronistically to teach me about the Roar of the Goddess, written by the female head of a Vedic tradition in India.
So did this Black Moon Letter by my pillow, sent to me in a dream, have a message from the Waters?
I learnt from my teacher, Omileye, the Ceremony for the Four Elemental Mothers. The ceremony was co-created in 2016 and I’ve practised it ever since. She was the first person I knew who was guided to go to the Waters. Her journey led her to meet a Tibetan Oracle and they created with others a universal Ceremony as an answer to the dire climatic changes both these Seers experienced – as if they were the dying Earth themselves.
Why has that arrived as an answer?
When can we say our journey has begun? Was it when I chose silence and hiding?
Is it now in discovering ‘I can’?
Thank you Black Moon.